Phoebes Diary Aged 7, 12, 16 and 21
* Dear Diary, Saturday september 20th 1947
* * I have been at school for 2 weeks and I sit next to a girl named alice in spelling class she is really nice and we are becoming friends!!!
* I hate D.B!!! he is so mean because today I went in to his room while he writed was writing a story and he shouted at me to get out. I hate hate hate him!!
* * Phoebe Linda Caulfield
* * p.s. I went to the zoo today with Holden and mom and we saw the elefants and the sea lions but we had to go home because mom had a headache. I wore my pink dress and black cardegan.
* * * * ~
* * * Dear Diary, Friday, July the 18th, 1952
* * Today is Allies 17th birthday. We went to the cemetery in Brooklyn and put some white lilies on his grave. Holden read a poem to him from his baseball glove. D.B. came back from Hollywood with Lilian. Theyre engaged now but I dont know how long it will last. Mom fainted from a migraine or something earlier. Shes so dramatic sometimes I CANNOT deal with it.
* * Me and Shirley had a sleepover last night and I found out that Alice was talking about me to Emily so we arent friends anymore. Everyones so goddam annoying. She said Alice doesnt like me anymore but she hugged me when she said it so I think its ok.
* * At least I have my Little Shirley Beans record.
* * Phoebe H. Caulfield Esq.
* * * Dear Diary, Thursday, February the 14th, 1957
* Last week I was reading through my diary entries from the time of Allies death. The feelings of desperation, guilt, aggression and fear came back to me in a heartbeat. I decided not to dwell because like Holden taught me, its best to acknowledge it and release it, using creativity as a guide. I decided to write another story with Allie as the focus and ended up submitting it to the New York Times for some writing competition. Earlier this week I found out I won and the story was put in the paper or something. I dont really care and I didnt expect to win but D.B. pushed me to do it.
* * Anyway, its Valentines Day. I went ice-skating with Stephen in central park and it was terribly beautiful. I cant believe how perfect he is; I think I really love him.
* * Lots of publishers have been calling me today and its exciting and all but I wish theyd just leave me alone.
* * Phoebe J. Caulfield
* * * ~
* * * * Diary, Sunday, June the 10th, 1961
* A beautiful day! Record breaking warmth and not a single cloud in the sky. The most perfect weather on my 21st Birthday.
* * Stephen took me to Broadway to watch a show and we went for a meal near there afterwards. He read a poem to me and proposed to me- but I said no. I told him Im just not ready right yet, but that doesnt mean I dont love you. He understood but I could tell he was hurt, as much as he tried to hide it, but for Christs sake, Im only 21! I cant be expected to get married at 21!
* * He offered to walk me back to my apartment but I declined and continued down Lexington alone. Ive been so preoccupied with writing recently that Ive forgotten how ravishing the streets of New York are. I should start going out more.
* * I decided on my walk back this evening that I should leave some space between Stephen and myself. He means a great deal but I keep finding myself on a never-ending emotional merry-go-round with uncertainty and confusion as to our relationship.